I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
