And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
