I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We have started to decorate penises.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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