Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
