I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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