this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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