I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
