Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
