How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
