Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
