Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
