That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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