my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
