I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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