gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
