The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
