I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize