I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
