No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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