Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
