My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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