when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
