Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
