I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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