sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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