Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
