Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
