I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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