and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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