Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
