She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
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All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
