i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
