it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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