i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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