i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
