I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
