Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
