i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
