I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
