I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
