I want to make a zoo with you.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
