Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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