There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize