so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
