I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
