the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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