i just sent this text using only my big toe
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
