Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
