i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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