allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
