Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
