I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize