i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
