You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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