omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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