yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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