the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
