so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
