based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
