I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
