oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
