One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
