The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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