oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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