I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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