My balls are so social today.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
