I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
